[really should have thought of a title]

I wake up with my head pounding. My eyeballs feel like hard-boiled eggs.
The bridge of my nose is sore, like it’s been squashed in a tiny vice.
A nose vice. For squashing noses.
God, I need a coffee…

I open my eyes to darkness. That’s odd.
I’m not sure where I am. I’m not at home. Or crashing on someone’s couch.
I reach out in the darkness for a switch, a lamp, something, but there’s just the floor. It’s cold and smooth.

I hear scratching and scuttling from somewhere above me. And… to the left?
Like a metal chair being dragged roughly across a freshly polished metal floor.
Now I hear some kind of whirring and clicking.
A thin beam of light appears a few metres away from me, floor to ceiling.
I sit up and look around. Dammit, I can’t see anything except the beam. Stupid beam.
My head and the ceiling have a meeting – apparently it’s quite low – so I Quasimodo my way over towards the light.

I can’t tell if it’s coming from the ceiling or the floor.
I reach out to touch it – it’s hot like a black coffee from Starbucks on a frosty morning.
I sniff my fingertips; they smell like matches.

More clicks, and another beam appears to my side.
Then another few in quick succession, circling around me.
They’re close together; I can’t get between. More whirs from above, and the circle tightens a little.

“Good, you’re awake. We can resume testing.”
Oh, this doesn’t sound good.

15 thoughts on “[really should have thought of a title]”

  1. First! Post! :)

    I like this very much: a good, real voice that fools you into thinking this is a much more commonplace interlude than what we actually get. Good twist. Yay micro! Yay fic! :)

  2. Great idea, nice misleading. Portal Humour.

    Best for me:
    A nose vice. For squashing noses – sounds like Stv in a good way.
    Waking up and [not] looking around – great scene, tight writing.
    Like the twist’s presentation – unexpected but without breaking the hangover ‘OMG I can’t do this’ feeling.

    I might change:
    Some metaphors: I assume black Starbuck’s coffee is like VERY hot?

    1. Thanks, man!
      This was definitely influenced by Portal. It made a big impression on me.

      I like the nose vice too :).
      I was half-heartedly trying to make it sound not too much like me. I sort of like what I sound like, and sort of don’t.

      Re Starbucks: yep. I wanted that high street coffee chain too-hot-ness. Like they have a Large Hardon Microwave in the back just for making the coffee too hot to actually drink.

  3. You have a very nice line in catchy phrases. I’d say “catchy, resonant phrases”, but you’d laugh at me. Nose vices, and Quasimodoing. Quirky, but convey a huge amount. You set up voice very succinctly in such a short piece.

    1. Thank you!
      I don’t mind resonating in this, ahem, context. :)

      I’m quite happy with the finished product.
      It sounds like I wanted it to sound.
      I think.

  4. This piece feels like you have captured the thoughts and reactions of the character directly and transcribed them, almost like a script. I really like the sense of immediacy that it generates, and I want to know what happens next.

  5. The micfic is about someone waking up in complete darkness, apparently in a blank room. As he attempts to find out where he is, strips of light appear in front of him. He then hears voices suggesting that he is a test subject.

    I enjoyed the humorous tone, especially the verbification of “Quasimodo”. Very descriptive.

    I didn’t understand the ending, though :( What were the lights? Was it something I should have understood?

    1. Thank you!
      I enjoy verbifying things.

      Re lights: well, I have my own idea of what they are, but the story doesn’t say.
      It’s left as an exercise for the reader ;-).

  6. “…and then, the anal probing!”
    At least, that’s the picture in my head now.
    Count me as another fan of “Quasimodoing”, BTW. Succinct word-pictures and all that.

    1. Heh heh…
      I’m not entirely sure if the captors are aliens or humans, but I was definitely going for the alien abduction vibes.

      Thanks for the comment! :)

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