Pleasures

Edward liked that people drew breath to live.  He liked it even more when they stopped breathing.  When he stopped them breathing.  Nobody knew that, of course.  They would send him to jail or maybe stop his breathing.  They just didn’t understand, everyone always says ‘it’s the little pleasures in life’ but they would never include his pleasures.  On the whole, it didn’t seem fair.  But life is never fair, so Edward didn’t tell anyone about his little pleasures in life.  He would sit at gatherings and smile when people spoke of such mundane pleasures – reading the newspaper in the morning with coffee, watching a sports game with friends, watching their children play at the seaside.  They really knew so little of what pleasure there could be in the world.

But Edward was now beginning to understand why people didn’t include his pleasures when they spoke.  His pleasures were not pleasant to experience firsthand.  They were uncomfortable.  And a bit frightening.  The effort of drawing breath was taking its toll on Edward.  If someone didn’t find him under the rumble soon, he would die.  He would no longer be breathing.  His breath would be stopped.

Light hit his face and he was saved.  And as he drew in such sweet air, he began to forget the understanding that had began within him and smiled at the thought of a life filled with pleasures.

13 thoughts on “Pleasures”

  1. Nice bit of serial killer fic. I liked it, nice detached “voice” for the sociopath, the switch in the middle and the return to status quo at the end – somehow more real than a total conversion to good.
    I do think you meant “rubble”, not “rumble”, though!

    Off-topic, would you be interested in a replica Bleach sword – the Hitsugaya Toushirou model?

    1. Thanks and yes, I did mean ‘rubble’. An attack of the Spelling…

      YES – I would be very interested in a replica of Hitsugaya’s sword. It’s my favourite of the entire series.

  2. I did already tell you this: I like this one but not as much as The Colour Light which had a more rounded feel.

    That said, it also has a nice ‘chunk out of someone’s life’ feel with the added benefit of third person narration that comes across almost as first person. Not sure how that works but I like it :)

  3. I think it’s great. Like the repetition of the word ‘breath(ing)’ all through; it gives it a flow as the various surprising aspects of the story are revealed.
    I like the focus on knowing things others don’t – secret power – everyone can identify with this (as opposed to inflicting torture which is less easy to identify with) and it makes you like Edward.

    I wish Edward + death didn’t have such strong awful pop-culture connections at the moment and wish you had chosen another name. The last paragraph feels a little hurried to me but this is an amazing amount to pack into the 250 words so I wouldn’t know what to take out.

    1. Twilight has ruined the name Edward. And I hadn’t thought of it until you mentioned it. I shall be more careful in my name selection in the future.

  4. Very groovy! I feel like there’s definitely in improvement in style compared to the first one.
    I’m with Neil on the great “voice.”

    The only bit that didn’t quite work for me was “And a bit frightening.”
    It didn’t seem in character with the detached, controlled, personality that the rest of it gave off.
    And maybe a little too much repetition of the word pleasure?

    1. “And a bit frightening” – but he is not in control in that moment. It’s more the loss of control that frightens him rather then the fact he is dying.

      The repetition was on purpose.

  5. I enjoy Edward’s lack of repentance: how, when he’s under pressure, he’s willing to reconsider his ways. But as soon as he’s free, he’s thinking of his next fix.

    I’m embarrassed to say that the first sentence had me thinking this was a play on Twilight! 😛 It had me confused for a bit. I think it happened because the character is called Edward, which got me thinking about vampires, and so the rest of the sentence made me think that Edward doesn’t breath and hence was actually a vampire, and thus from Twilight.

  6. I really enjoyed the point of view from within Edward’s mind. It means that what he is slowly dawns on one as the first paragraph is read, in an almost gentle and musing way. The juxtaposition with his own immediately dangerous situation, and how this becomes clear over the second paragraph works very well. In general, I enjoyed the way that the facts were unveiled.

  7. The first two-three sentences are brilliant and a very accomplished beginning. That is not to say I don’t like the way the story continues :) but those first couple of sentences really had me spellbound.

    I enjoyed the coldness of Edward’s mind and the creepy serial killer vibe, and the tiny, unexplained (did not need to be explained) story about power, loss of power and return to strength, and how his convictions rise and fall with that. Good insight.

    I am easily distracted by word repetitions, and therefore felt the repeat of pleasure in particular was noticable.

    Thank you for an excellent story! Sorry it took me so know to find the time to comment.

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