The Eye of the Tiger

There it was – a golden yellow brilliance that seemed to illuminate the far end of the cavern. It was the Eye of the Tiger! The man thought back to all he had done to get here: the shimmering desert sands crossed so arduously; the barbarous blades and arrows evaded; the ancient traps disarmed.

Now, finally, the stone was within his reach. He pushed back the brim of his hat, wiped his forehead and began painstakingly to search for any final surprises. There was no sense in hurrying foolishly now.

Unfortunately, this wisdom was not shared by his last remaining guide, Karkul, who leapt forward intoxicated by the size and brilliance of the stone. Karkul had barely crossed a quarter of the space when the floor collapsed beneath him and the guide fell with it, his shrieks echoing behind him.

Sighing, the man examined the last spot on which the unfortunate guide had trod. A shaft of light spanned the cave and disappeared into the shadows on the far side. His torch illuminated the triggering mechanism cunningly hidden in the far wall.

Carefully stepping over the beam of light, he peered into the gaping chasm but could see no bottom. He detached the lasso from his belt and used it to swing over the rift, landing neatly next to the carved stone beast in whose talons the yellow diamond rested. He pried the stone from its setting and carefully placed it in his knapsack.

Now to get out.

6 thoughts on “The Eye of the Tiger”

  1. Ah, this is very fun, and verges on the silly – I don’t think I can read about “Eye of the Tiger” with a straight face. But given the Indiana Jones theme, the name of the stone is perfect and lends the right level of silliness.

    I liked the characterisation of “the man”, pushing his hat back, not even blinking at the death of his guide, very Indy.

    I’m not sure about calling him “the man” throughout – I wasn’t sure if he was Indy but you didn’t want to say it, but I thought it jarred a bit. Especially since his guide has a name!

    I also appear to be on adverb watch, and there are a lot of adverbs this time – this tends to distance the reader from the plot (telling not showing.

    A fun story. Love the last line – disaster still pending.

    1. Thanks for the comments :-) It is a very silly piece, but I couldn’t get the Eye of the Tiger (and associated tune) out of my head, so decided just to go with it…

      Glad the characterisation worked for you. I’m not sure about “the man” either. I’m not completely unhappy with it, but I wanted to come up with an epic name – just found inspiration lacking and didn’t want to use Indy (even though he was mostly who I was thinking of).

      I don’t really agree with you about adverbs. I think that, while one should be careful not to use them stupidly or overuse them (and certainly a lot can be gained from reading over something one has written and removing unnecessary text, or rephrasing overused terms), they can add a lot of descriptive power to a piece. I often find that they help me to visualise the nuances of a scene as the writer wants it, and don’t feel distanced from the plot unless they have been crudely done.

      1. Ah! Another “each to his own” issue, adverbs. I will moderate my crit to say while there is nothing technically wrong with adverbs, leaving them out usually results in more interesting ways of saying things – a challenge for the writer. But you’re right, I do over-harp on them…! They don’t particularly jar in this piece, so point taken.

  2. Fun read! Liked the way you packed a whole tomb-raider into micfic length. The ‘desert sands crossed so arduously; the barbarous blades and arrows evaded; the ancient traps disarmed.’ worked brilliantly in my mind’s eye. Similarly the last sentence tells you all the rest of the story.

    Loved how true to the genre you kept it – no matter how careful you are is never enough and the otherwise useful guide HAS to be too stupid and greedy in the end. And the lasso.

    It wasn’t especially Indiana for me; reminded me more of the classic literature (Rider Haggard; Arthur Conan Doyle; Edgar Rice Burroughs) in this genre.

    Good light fun.

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