Flutter By

Flutter By

It never ceased to amaze David how fragile life was.  It was like holding a butterfly in your hands.  Too much strength and it would be crushed, gone forever but even with the most delicate hold it was fade quickly, gone forever.  As if it had never been.  With little impact on the world around it.  A bit like being in love, he felt.

The life of the living…

Fragile as the wings of a butterfly…

David frowned at the words.  A poor choice indeed.   How was he ever going to put this thoughts and feelings into poetry that would dazzle and delight if that was the best he could come up with.  He drew careful lines through the words and started again.

The life of the butterfly…

He paused again.  Butter – fat from milk.  Fly – sits on the butter.  That’s what he thought of after thinking about the word ‘butterfly’ for the past few hours.  Why did Sarah have to like them anyway?  What else did she like?  Dogs.  But dogs were hardly romantic.  But puppies.  Puppies were a bit romantic, he had see them on cards, along with kittens.  He raised a brow in though, puppies – I wuf you.  A nightmare.  David tossed the pen down with annoyance.  Surely words of love should not be so hard, he was in love after all.  Shouldn’t they just sprout from his pen as he guided it across the paper?  It would appear not.

He held the expensive sheet of paper with its awful words up to the light.  He could see the texture of the hand crafted paper, could almost imagine them to be veins in the wings of a butterfly.  He smiled to himself at his silliness, returned the page to his desk and began to write.

Dear Sarah   

 Above you will see my attempts at putting my love for you into poetry.  They are a poor reflection of what I truly feel and so I shall write out in plain script that will leave no doubt in your heart as to my feelings – I love you, my beloved.  

2 thoughts on “Flutter By”

  1. This is sweet – I like it when your characters descend into very Candice-like self examination (reminds me a bit of your spanner story). Words fall apart and nothing makes sense as your characters look a bit to closely.

    There are a number of small typos – “though” instead of “thought”, “was fade” rather than “faded” (I think?), had see them on cards – seen, small things but they distract.

    The story is about David, who is trying to write love poetry to Sarah but is just too distractedly practical. I like the detour into puppies and examination of butter. Feels very real!

    The story changes tone – starting with a very serious thought on fragility of love, moving on to silliness about puppies, then back to very bizarre reflections on veins in butterfly wings, and then on to a very matter-of-fact finish. Some of this works for me, some doesn’t. I am a bit concerned for David and Sarah as the main thought in David’s poetry is that love is fragile and when it disappears, it’s as though it never was – hardly a happy thought!

    Thank you, I enjoyed this.

  2. I enjoyed the idea and the everyday difficulties in trying to express yourself. Loved the butter as yellow stuff while trying to be romantic.

    As Parf pointed out a few distracting typo’s but in general I like the smooth transitions between his thought, situation and writing. And the introverted distractions of how the paper looks.

    Especially liked these touches:
    He smiled to himself at his silliness, returned the page to his desk and began to write
    He drew careful lines through the words

    I’m glad the ending was uplifting (as opposed to just focussing on his frustration) and liked the way it directly addressed the basic issues.

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